just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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