my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How does one acquire holy water?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
