I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize