I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
