Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
