I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
