I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
