Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We had sex on a dog bed..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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