my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
