Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
