Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
