out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish they made helmets for livers.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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