After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
