Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
