shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
