I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
