So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize