you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we're making bets on your personal life
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
