We're facebook friends in real life
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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