you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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