So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
