i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
