We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
