if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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