I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
