I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
