I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
