im drinking this country out of the recession.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
