I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
