I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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