seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
