You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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