based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
