Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
His nipple licking is glorious
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