I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
