The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
