people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
