Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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