ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
