why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize