it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
