I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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