I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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