It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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