Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
