i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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