I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
