you would pick up someone in the library
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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