Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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