they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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