i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
