I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
