how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
