so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
