so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
