Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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