I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
