I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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