Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
