You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize