Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
