I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
