There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
