I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just invented taco cereal.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
