Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
