4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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