She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize