My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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