i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
