Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
