they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
