I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
