im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This baby is an asshole
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
