and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
