I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
