eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
