Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
