i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
