if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
